Formal Letter (Descriptive Reflection)

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Subject: Self Introduction – Effective Communication

Dear Prof Brad,

My name is Benjamin, and I am writing to introduce myself as a student in your effective communication class. I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in mechatronics engineering. 

My interest in engineering started in secondary school, where I took design and technology as my elective. The ability to build something from just a simple sketch intrigues me and that is why I chose to study engineering in polytechnic. Having built a robot in the final year of my polytechnic has sparked my interest further which is why I decided to pursue a degree in mechanical engineering offered by the Singapore Institute of Technology /University of Glasgow.

As an engineer, communication is an important aspect as we will constantly be communicating with fellow engineers on projects and deadlines.

 I believe my communication skills can be improved as there are areas that I lack, such as confidence in my writing. And due to my lack of vocabulary, forming proper sentences has always been a problem for me.

In addition, I do not have the confidence to present or speak in a large group and will tend to use filler words once I have forgotten what to say.

Despite that, I can communicate with people at a professional level. My role in national service has provided me with many opportunities to converse regularly with people of different appointments from various companies/units. Therefore, I believe these experiences will help me greatly in the future as I work in the engineering sector.

What I am hoping to achieve by the end of this module is to be a more confident speaker by working on my presentation skills, and refining my writing skills by expanding my vocabulary.


Best regards,
Benjamin Ang

[Edited on 31st March 2020]

[Commented on Brandon's and Andy's Introductory Letter.]

Comments

  1. Jonathan ChanJanuary 20, 2020 at 8:23 AM

    Dear Benjamin,

    I am Jonathan Chan from the same effective communication class. I chanced upon your blog post and would like to share some of my observations on your letter of introduction.

    Generally, I feel that the letter had good choice of words and flow but has some issues with formality and structure.

    1. Sentence placement.
    • In your first paragraph, I feel that you should introduce your name before characterizing yourself to ease the reader in identifying you. This may help your first paragraph will sound less “abrupt” as well.

    2. Formality.
    • As the letter should be in a formal tone, the use of apostrophes should be minimised (I’m ==> I am).

    3. Unnecessary words.
    • In the second line of your first paragraph, you mentioned “sparked my interest in robotics which is why during my time in the army I have chosen to pursue a degree in mechanical engineering… ”. I understand that the decision was made whilst you were in the army, however, I felt that the reader does not need to know when or where you made the decision. As there is a very tight word limit, saving every word counts.
    • Last line of Paragraph 3, “I believe that having these experiences”. With the word “having” within the sentence, I felt like you are still acquiring these experiences. Thus, I feel that it would be better left out.
    • Last line of paragraph 4, “practicing more on my presentation skills so as not to use filler words”. As you have already mentioned the use of filler words in your weakness, I feel that it is a given that you want to improve on that. Thus, it is redundant to have it in the concluding paragraph.

    4. Spelling.
    • In the second line of paragraph 3, I think you misspelt various as varies.

    Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your letter and look forward to learning/growing together in class.

    Best regards,
    Jonathan Chan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Benjamin AngJanuary 26, 2020 at 10:35 PM

      Dear Jonathan,

      Thank you for the comments.

      Best regards,
      Benjamin Ang

      Delete
  2. calvinAngJanuary 20, 2020 at 8:20 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. calvinAngJanuary 20, 2020 at 8:26 PM

      Dear Benjamin,

      Nice to meet you Benjamin! I am Calvin Ang. I happen to have a younger brother who is called Benjamin as well. To such coincident, we happen to have the same surname. Not only that, despite you and i came from different polytechnic, we happen to have similar engineering background of "Mechatronic".

      I do agree with what you had said, stating that communication is an important part in engineering. Without proper communication skills, it is hard for other party to understand what we are trying to convey the message to them.

      Overall i find your flow is good, you had stated your self intro along with your perks and weaknesses. In addition, you know what is the minimal content that are needed for this formal introduction letter. Keep it up !

      However i do find some points which i find you can improve on which is on the formality. It would be advisable to use proper formality such as " I am" rather than "I'm" since this is a formal letter.

      Lets work hard and achieve to overcome our weaknesses in this module. All the best Benjamin !

      Best Regards
      Calvin Ang

      Delete
    2. Benjamin AngJanuary 26, 2020 at 10:36 PM

      Dear Calvin,

      Thank you for highlighting.

      Best regards,
      Benjamin Ang

      Delete
  3. Keith ChuaJanuary 22, 2020 at 4:45 AM

    Dear Benjamin,

    Thanks for sharing more about yourself! It was a pleasure reading your introduction letter.

    As far as content goes, you have met the requirements of the assignment successfully. And I appreciated the fact that you used your national service experience to build on your communication strength. Although, i would have wanted to know how "building a robot" in your final year project inspired you to take up mechanical engineering. Is there a certain underlying reason? I personally feel that knowing this reason would give me more insight and a better understanding.

    The flow of your letter was not abrupt either and it was easy for me to follow through it till the end. However, I feel that you should have started off the introduction with your name rather than your title so as to not confuse the reader.

    As for the language used, I feel that it is more or less acceptable except for a few awkward sentence structures. For example, your last paragraph can be merged into a single sentence. The use of the full-stop before "as well as" can be omitted.

    Overall, I have enjoyed reading your introduction letter and I feel that it has fulfilled its purpose in giving me a better understanding of yourself. I hope that your writing will improve further based on my comments. I look forward to seeing your progress in this module. Cheers!

    Best regards,
    Keith Chua

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Benjamin AngJanuary 26, 2020 at 10:38 PM

      Dear Keith,

      Thank you for the comments, will take note.

      Best regards,
      Benjamin Ang

      Delete
  4. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 23, 2020 at 9:53 PM

    Dear Benjamin,

    Thanks very much for this letter of intro. It's clear, concise and yet fairly robust in the information you provide. I'm especially impressed in the detail you provide as you discuss your comm skills weakness and strength. At the same time, you probably could add more info on how you developed an interest in engineering.

    In terms of language use, this is quite fluent, and I like your use of transitions. However, there are a few items to take note of:

    1. spelling, caps and punctuation
    -- varies companies/units regularly > (varies?)
    -- Best Regards,
    -- My name is Benjamin and I graduated...

    2. words, phrasing and sentence
    -- As an engineer, we > (plural consistency)
    -- In addition, I realized I do not ... > (verb tense)
    -- enough flow > (meaning) ?
    -- As well as refining my writing skills by expanding my vocabulary. > (sentence fragment)

    Let's work on revising these minor errors. I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Benjamin AngJanuary 26, 2020 at 10:40 PM

      Dear Prof Brad,

      Thank you for highlighting, will take note.

      Best regards,
      Benjamin Ang

      Delete
    2. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 28, 2020 at 5:32 PM

      Thanks for your response, Benjamin.

      Delete

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